Category: Discipleship

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On By Renee Yann, RSMIn Conversion, Courage, Discipleship, Faith, Jesus, spiritualityLeave a comment

Wednesday of the Twenty-fifth Week in Ordinary Time
September 25, 2024

Today’s Readings:

https://bible.usccb.org/bible/readings/092524.cfm

Jesus summoned the Twelve and gave them power and authority
over all demons and to cure diseases,
and he sent them to proclaim the Kingdom of God
and to heal the sick.
He said to them, “Take nothing for the journey,
neither walking stick, nor sack, nor food, nor money,
and let no one take a second tunic.
Whatever house you enter, stay there and leave from there.
And as for those who do not welcome you,
when you leave that town,
shake the dust from your feet in testimony against them.”
Then they set out and went from village to village
proclaiming the Good News and curing diseases everywhere.
Luke 9:1-6

That’s what Jesus said – NOTHING – “Take nothing for the journey”! Within their coming journey, everything already awaited his disciples. He asked them to empty the box of their acquired possessions so that they could see through to heaven.

Today, in God’s Lavish Mercy:
I picture myself when I go on a journey of a week or two. Almost always, I carry at least one suitcase I never need. Instead, I have dragged a bag full of inessentials through most of Europe and the U.S.! We carry so much with us we do not need – both materially and spiritually.

Whenever I read this Gospel, I am reminded of a verse from Janis Joplin’s smash hit song of 1971, “Me and Bobby McGee”. Janis was a tortured soul but a magnificent artist. Her song captured the transitory nature of anything we try to possess in life

The line I love is this – take it for whatever truth it can offer you:

Freedom’s just another word
for nothing left to lose.

Poetry: On Freedom – Hafiz

We have not come here to take prisoners,
But to surrender ever more deeply
To freedom and joy.

We have not come into this exquisite world
To hold ourselves hostage from love.

Run my dear,
From anything
That may not strengthen
Your precious budding wings.

Run like hell my dear,
From anyone likely
To put a sharp knife
Into the sacred, tender vision
Of your beautiful heart.

We have a duty to befriend
Those aspects of obedience
That stand outside of our house
And shout to our reason
“O please, O please,
Come out and play.”

For we have not come here to take prisoners
Or to confine our wondrous spirits,

But to experience ever and ever more deeply
Our divine courage, freedom and
Light!

Music: Me and Bobby McGee – written by Kris Kristofferson, sung by Janis Joplin

Bubbles

On By Renee Yann, RSMIn Conversion, Courage, Discipleship, Eternal Life, Faith, spirituality2 Comments

Tuesday of the Twenty-fifth Week in Ordinary Time
September 24, 2024

Today’s Readings:

https://bible.usccb.org/bible/readings/092424.cfm

To do what is right and just
is more acceptable to the LORD than sacrifice.
Haughty eyes and a proud heart–
the tillage of the wicked is sin.
The plans of the diligent are sure of profit,
but all rash haste leads certainly to poverty.
Whoever makes a fortune by a lying tongue
is chasing a bubble over deadly snares.
Proverbs 21:3-6

King Solomon is credited with writing this portion of Proverbs. His wisdom wrapped in wit is both inspiring and enjoyable. But his admonitions are not humor – he is dead serious about what is “acceptable to the Lord“.

Today, in God’s Lavish Mercy:
We pray for the grace to erase the frivolous from our lives – the “bubbles” that fool and distract us from the centrality of God.

Poetry: from Emily Dickinson

So has a Daisy vanished
From the fields today --
So tiptoed many a slipper
To Paradise away --
Oozed so in crimson bubbles
Day's departing tide --
Blooming -- tripping -- flowing
Are ye then with God?

Music: Bubbles over the Ocean
You may want to listen to just a few minutes or maybe to all of this reflective music. Enjoy!

Light

On By Renee Yann, RSMIn Community, Courage, Creation, Discipleship, Faith, inclusivity, Jesus, spirituality1 Comment

Memorial of Saint Pius of Pietrelcina, Priest
September 23, 2024

Today’s Readings:

https://bible.usccb.org/bible/readings/092324.cfm

Jesus said to the crowd:
“No one who lights a lamp conceals it with a vessel
or sets it under a bed;
rather, he places it on a lampstand
so that those who enter may see the light.
For there is nothing hidden that will not become visible,
and nothing secret that will not be known and come to light.
Take care, then, how you hear.
To anyone who has, more will be given,
and from the one who has not,
even what he seems to have will be taken away.”
Luke 8:16-18

Jesus indicates that the only way to spread light in the world is to do it together. Some have been given more, some less. But pooling all we have creates a Divine Fire illuminating a shadowy world.

Today, in God’s Lavish Mercy:
We ask for the courage to recognize, claim, and offer our light in a world that longs for it. We ask for the humility and insight to encourage holy fire in others.

Poetry: I Understand This Light to Be My Home – Mai Der Vang, the author of Afterland (Graywolf Press, 2017), which recounts the Hmong exodus from Laos and the fate of thousands of refugees seeking asylum. The book received the Walt Whitman Award from the Academy of American Poets.

In the awareness, I am brought closer
to my being from long before.
In my
awareness, there is only what I can take
from the small spaces of

knowing, an earnest ascendance imparted
by way of transmissions from the grid,
a voice calls
out unbroken below and above as the aura
of faraway light.

There is a light that

shimmers so deep it never goes anywhere
but to shimmer.

Light assumes its job is to shimmer,
and so it is,
but more than that, light is ancestral.
Light is witness. Light is prehistory,

blueprint of vibrations shifting through
all directions of time.

Light as hidden winter that leads to
shadow as the growth.
Light as first
language of source. Light as both terrestrial
and celestial. Light of long nights far up

in the sky, I stare to the heavens and
weep for
the stars whose light I have always known
and understood to be my rooting.

I once shared a life with the name of
this light as I know it in the stars who
gave me

my body. As I know it in the frequencies
of my footsteps,

as I hear it in the code of a landscape
imprinted on my fingers,
as I spirit
my eyes open from the inside,
as I know and understand this light
to be kin.

Consider then the pain of leaving
this light, of losing the stars to spaces

no longer lit by its truth.
I am shaped
in the spaces where the light does
not reach, a need for what does not
shimmer

but opening to the shadow to receive
just as much light.
I miss this
light always.

Then more light.

Ever more light. Deficit of light to bring
more light.

Template of light to bring more love.

That is my one true wish, as I know
and
understand

this light to be my home, as a knowing
up there in the galaxy is me,

and I am up there
in my bones built from stars.

Music: Dark Sky Island – Enya – a beautiful song in which she names some of the stars.

Alabaster

On By Renee Yann, RSMIn Conversion, Courage, Discipleship, Faith, friendship, Hope, Jesus, Love, spirituality2 Comments

Thursday of the Twenty-fourth Week in Ordinary Time
September 19, 2024

Today’s Readings:

https://bible.usccb.org/bible/readings/091924.cfm

Bringing an alabaster flask of ointment,
she stood behind him at his feet weeping
and began to bathe his feet with her tears.
Then she wiped them with her hair,
kissed them, and anointed them with the ointment….

Simon, when I entered your house,
you did not give me water for my feet,
but she has bathed them with her tears
and wiped them with her hair.
You did not give me a kiss,
but she has not ceased kissing my feet.
You did not anoint my head with oil,
but she anointed my feet with ointment.
So I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven;
because she has shown great love.
Luke 7:37-38;44-47

Mary (identified in John’s Gospel as Mary of Bethany) loves Jesus beyond words. Sensing that his Passion and Death are near, she pours out that love in silent tenderness.

Today, in God’s Lavish Mercy:
Prayerfully imagine the alabaster jar, holding it gently in your hands. It is fine and delicate, easily broken unless handled tenderly.

As we express our love for God and for God’s Creation, we carry it in delicate wrappings, like alabaster. Sometimes, we may doubt our capacity for love, faith, and hope. We may see our “sinfulness” rather than our spiritual strength.

But if we, like Mary, focus our hearts on God, and fearlessly pour our love over God’s Creation, our fragility becomes our strength.

Poetry: Anointings at Bethany – Irene Zimmerman, OSF

Solemnly, Mary entered the room,
holding high the alabaster jar.
It gleamed in the lamplight as she circled the room,
incensing the disciples, blessing Martha’s banquet.
“A splendid table!” Mary called with her eyes
as she whirled past her sister.

She came to a halt at last before Jesus,
bowed profoundly and knelt at his feet.
Deftly, she filled her right hand with nard,
placed the jar on the floor,
took one foot in her hands
and moved fragrant fingers across his instep. 

Over and over she made the journey
from heel to toes, thanking him
for every step he had made
on Judea’s stony hills,
for every stop at their home,
for bringing back Lazarus. 

She poured out more nard,
took his other foot in her hands
and started again with strong, rhythmic strokes.
She felt her hands’ heat draw out his tiredness,
take away the rebuffs he had known
—the shut doors, the shut hearts. 

Energy flowed like a river between them.
His saturated skin gleamed with oil. 

But she had no towel! 

In an instant she pulled off her veil,
pulled the pins from her hair,
shook it out till it fell in cascades
and once more cradled each foot,
dried the ankles, the insteps,
drew the strands between his toes.

Without warning, Judas Iscariot
spat out his anger, the words hissing
like lightning above her unveiled head:
“Why was this perfume not sold
for three hundred denarii
and the money given to the poor?” 

“Leave her alone!”
Jesus silenced the usurper.
“She bought it so that she might keep it
for the day of my burial.” 

The words poured like oil,
anointing her from head to foot.

Music: Pour My Love on You – Craig and Dean Phillips

I don’t know how to say exactly how I feel
And I can’t begin to tell you what your love has meant
I’m lost for words
Is there a way to show the passion in my heart
Can I express how truly great I think you are,
My dearest friend.
Lord, this is my desire:
To pour my love on You

Chorus:
Like oil upon your feet
Like wine for you to drink
Like water from my heart
I pour my love on you
If praise is like perfume
I’ll lavish mine on you
Till every drop is gone
I’ll pour my love on you.

Love

On By Renee Yann, RSMIn Charity, Discipleship, Faith, Hope, Jesus, Love, spirituality1 Comment

Wednesday of the Twenty-fourth Week in Ordinary Time
September 18, 2024

Today’s Readings:

https://bible.usccb.org/bible/readings/091824.cfm

At present we see indistinctly, as in a mirror,
but then face to face.
At present I know partially;
then I shall know fully, as I am fully known.
So faith, hope, love remain, these three;
but the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13:12-13

In this often recited and glorious passage from Corinthians, Paul recounts the three theological virtues: faith, hope, and love. He tells us that without love, the rest of the spiritual life is meaningless. And Jesus told us that to love only those who love us is not sufficient.

For if you love those who love you,
what credit is that to you?
Even sinners love those who love them.

Luke 6:32

Today, in God’s Lavish Mercy:
Real love is not easy. We pray to grow better at loving as God loves – universally, selflessly, and limitlessly.

Poetry: Love’s As Warm As Tears – C.S. Lewis

Love’s as warm as tears,
Love is tears:
Pressure within the brain,
Tension at the throat,
Deluge, weeks of rain,
Haystacks afloat,
Featureless seas between
Hedges, where once was green.
Love’s as fierce as fire,
Love is fire:
All sorts—infernal heat
Clinkered with greed and pride,
Lyric desire, sharp-sweet,
Laughing, even when denied,
And that empyreal flame
Whence all loves came.
Love’s as fresh as spring,
Love is spring:
Bird-song hung in the air,
Cool smells in a wood,
Whispering ‘Dare! Dare!’
To sap, to blood,
Telling ‘Ease, safety, rest,
Are good; not best.’
Love’s as hard as nails,
Love is nails:
Blunt, thick, hammered through
The medial nerves of One
Who, having made us, knew
The thing He had done,
Seeing (with all that is)
Our cross, and His.

Music: The Greatest of These Is Love – Tina English and Jay Rouse

If I speak with the tongues of men and angels
but have not love, I am just a noise.
And if I have the gift of prophecy,
know all knowledge, have all faith,
understand all mystery, or remove mountains,
but have not love, I am nothing.

If I give all I have to feed the poor,
but have not love,
nothing is gained, nothing gained.
Love is patient, love is kind.
Love does not brag, and is not arrogant.
Love is not proud, boastful, rude.

Love does not seek its own.
Love rejoices in the truth.
It keeps no record of wounds.
Love bears all things,believes all things.
Love hopes all things,
endures all things.

These three remain:
faith, hope, and love.
But the greatest of these is love.

Pity

On By Renee Yann, RSMIn Community, Discipleship, Faith, Gospel, Jesus, Mercy, spirituality1 Comment

Tuesday of the Twenty-fourth Week in Ordinary Time
September 17, 2024

Today’s Readings:

https://bible.usccb.org/bible/readings/091724.cfm

Jesus journeyed to a city called Nain,
and his disciples and a large crowd accompanied him.
As he drew near to the gate of the city,
a man who had died was being carried out,
the only son of his widowed mother.
A large crowd from the city was with her.
When the Lord saw her,
he was moved with pity for her and said to her,
“Do not weep.”
He stepped forward and touched the coffin;
at this the bearers halted,
and he said, “Young man, I tell you, arise!”
The dead man sat up and began to speak,
and Jesus gave him to his mother.
Luke 7:11-15

In today’s Gospel, we read the deeply moving phrase, “… the only son of his widowed mother“. Reading it, we can feel that same pity Jesus felt as the small group of mourners passed him in the road.

Today, in God’s Lavish Mercy:
We assess our own hearts to measure our Christ-like tenderness for those who are suffering – often, right before our distracted eyes. As Irene Zimmermann suggests in the poem below, in attending to these suffering people we also attend Christ.

Poetry: First Born Sons and the Widow of Nain – Irene Zimmerman, OSF

Jesus halted on the road outside Nain
where a woman’s wailing drenched the air.
Out of the gates poured a somber procession
of dark-shawled women, hushed children,
young men bearing a litter that held
a body swathed in burial clothes,
and the woman, walking alone.

A widow then—another bundle
of begging rags at the city gates.
A bruised reed!

Her loud grief labored and churned in him till
“Halt!” he shouted.

The crowd, the woman, the dead man stopped.
Dust, raised by sandaled feet,
settled down again on the sandy road.
Insects waited in shocked silence.

He walked to the litter, grasped a dead hand.
“Young man,” he called
in a voice that shook the walls of Sheol,
“I command you, rise!”

The linens stirred.
Two firstborn sons from Nazareth and Nain
met, eye to eye.

He placed the pulsing hand into hers.
“Woman, behold your son,” he smiled.

Music: Tender-Hearted – Jeanne Cotter

Be tender-hearted as you love one another
as I have loved you
And forgive one another with endless compassion
as I forgave you.

Clothe yourself with kindness,
patience, and humility.
Let the peace of Christ live in your hearts
and above all else, put on love.
And be tender hearted.

Be tender hearted as you live a life
worthy of your calling.
You are God’s work of art, holy temple.
The Spirit is at home in you.

Walk always as children of Light
Keep the flame of faith alive.
God’s love has been poured into your heart.
You are reborn by that love.

So be tender hearted
for you’ve put on a new self
hidden with Christ in God.
You are no longer stranger.
You’re one of the chosen
holy and beloved

Run

On By Renee Yann, RSMIn Conversion, Discipleship, Faith, holiness, repentance, spirituality1 Comment

Memorial of Saint John Chrysostom, Bishop and Doctor of the Church
September 13, 2024

Today’s Readings:

https://bible.usccb.org/bible/readings/091324.cfm

Do you not know that the runners in the stadium all run in the race,
but only one wins the prize?
Run so as to win.
Every athlete exercises discipline in every way.
They do it to win a perishable crown,
but we an imperishable one.
Thus I do not run aimlessly;
I do not fight as if I were shadowboxing.
No, I drive my body and train it,
for fear that, after having preached to others,
I myself should be disqualified.
1 Corinthians 9:24-27

Both our readings touch the topic of spiritual self-awareness. Paul does not want to preach to others and end up “disqualified” himself because of any infidelity.

Jesus says, to achieve holiness, be as aware of your own splintered eyes as you are of your neighbor’s!

Today, in God’s Lavish Mercy:
Examining one’s conscience is an ancient religious practice. Its purpose is not to create a checklist of behaviors that need improvement. It is a way of acutely recognizing God’s Presence in our lives and listening to God’s hopes for us. Sometimes we fail to respond to those hopes, and we need to run harder, as Paul did.

Poetry: When I Am Among the Trees – Mary Oliver

When I am among the trees,
especially the willows and the honey locust,
equally the beech, the oaks and the pines,
they give off such hints of gladness.
I would almost say that they save me, and daily.

I am so distant from the hope of myself,
in which I have goodness, and discernment,
and never hurry through the world
but walk slowly, and bow often.

Around me the trees stir in their leaves
and call out, “Stay awhile.”
The light flows from their branches.

And they call again, “It's simple,” they say,
“and you too have come
into the world to do this, to go easy, to be filled
with light, and to shine.”

Music: Running to the Light – Brandon Lake

You can have my yes with no exception
I’m laying down my rights to second guessing
You can have my yes
I’m giving you my fear of never knowing
Whatever’s coming next, I know You’ve got me
You can have my yes
You’re the lamp, You’re the light
You’re the cloud that guides me
You’re the way, You’re the truth
You’re the life inside me
You conquered my fears
So I leave it all behind
I’m running to the light
Running to thе light
I’m giving you my dreams and my ambitions
Your presencе is my prize and my provision
I’ll answer when You ask
Oh, who could come against if You are for me?
‘Cause even in the fire, I know You’ve got me
I’m giving You my yes again
You’re the lamp, You’re the light
You’re the cloud that guides me
You’re the way, You’re the truth
You’re the life inside me
You conquered my fears
So I leave it all behind
I’m running to the light
Running to the light
Oh, wherever You are
Wherever You wanna go
I’ll follow You
Wherever You are
Wherever You wanna go
I’ll follow You
Oh, wherever You are
Wherever You wanna go
I’ll follow You
I’ll follow You
Oh, wherever You are
Wherever You wanna go
I’ll follow You
Wherever You are
Wherever You wanna go
I’ll follow You
Oh, wherever You are
Wherever You wanna go
I’ll follow You
I’ll follow You
You’re the lamp, You’re the light
You’re the cloud that guides me
You’re the way, You’re the truth
You’re the life inside me
You conquered my fears
So I leave it all behind
I’m running to the light
Oh, I’m, oh
I’m running to the light, light
Running to the light

Recompense

On By Renee Yann, RSMIn Conversion, Cross, Discipleship, Eternal Life, Faith, Gospel, Hope, spirituality1 Comment

Twenty-third Sunday in Ordinary Time
September 8, 2024

Today’s Readings:

https://bible.usccb.org/bible/readings/090824.cfm

Thus says the LORD:
Say to those whose hearts are frightened:
Be strong, fear not!
Here is your God,
he comes with vindication;
with divine recompense
he comes to save you.
Then will the eyes of the blind be opened,
the ears of the deaf be cleared;
then will the lame leap like a stag,
then the tongue of the mute will sing.
Streams will burst forth in the desert,
and rivers in the steppe.
The burning sands will become pools, 
and the thirsty ground, springs of water.
Isaiah 35:4-7

Isaiah’s prophecy foretells the time when God will turn the world upside down. It will be time of vindication for all those who have suffered. In God’s realm, even nature will be blessed by the recompense of salvation – by what they earned by their faithfulness.

Today, in God’s Lavish Mercy:
We look to the Gospel – the Good News of Jesus – to guide us so that we may foster this recompense for all people and in our own time. Those tied only to material values do not understand the infinite hope of a world turned upside-down by Jesus.

Poetry: Ain’t I A Woman – Sojourner Truth

A formerly enslaved person, Sojourner Truth became an outspoken advocate for abolition, temperance, and civil and women’s rights in the nineteenth century. In this poem she gives us an insight into her view of the world turned “upside-down”.

That man over there say
a woman needs to be helped into carriages
and lifted over ditches
and to have the best place everywhere.
Nobody ever helped me into carriages
or over mud puddles
or gives me a best place…
And ain’t I a woman?
Look at me
Look at my arm!
I have plowed and planted
and gathered into barns
and no man could head me…

And ain’t I a woman?
I could work as much
and eat as much as a man —
when I could get to it —
and bear the lash as well
and ain’t I a woman?

I have born 13 children
and seen most all sold into slavery
and when I cried out a mother’s grief
none but Jesus heard me…

And ain’t I a woman?
that little man in black there say
a woman can’t have as much rights as a man
cause Christ wasn’t a woman
Where did your Christ come from?
From God and a woman!
Man had nothing to do with him!
If the first woman God ever made
was strong enough to turn the world
upside down, all alone
together women ought to be able to turn it
rightside up again.

Music: Upside Down – Jonny Diaz

Lord

On By Renee Yann, RSMIn Conversion, Discipleship, Eternal Life, Faith, Gospel, Jesus, spirituality2 Comments

Saturday of the Twenty-second Week in Ordinary Time
September 7, 2024

Today’s Readings:

https://bible.usccb.org/bible/readings/090724.cfm

While Jesus was going through a field of grain on a sabbath,
his disciples were picking the heads of grain,
rubbing them in their hands, and eating them.
Some Pharisees said,
“Why are you doing what is unlawful on the sabbath?”
Jesus said to them in reply,
“Have you not read what David did
when he and those who were with him were hungry?
How he went into the house of God, took the bread of offering,
which only the priests could lawfully eat,
ate of it, and shared it with his companions?”
Then he said to them, “The Son of Man is Lord of the sabbath.”
Luke 6:1-5

A religion, like any other social construct, makes rules to define its character. The process can be as simple the “club” rules we made in elementary school (with the accompanying
“All Others Keep Out” sign.) Or it can be as complex as who qualifies, by their behavior, as a certified Catholic, Lutheran, Presbyterian, etc.

But humanly constructed rules can be easily degraded when the purpose of their design is forgotten or ignored. This is what Jesus wanted his listeners to understand. He did not come to redefine the Old Law. He is Lord of the New Law whose definition is mercy and love not regulation.

Today, in God’s Lavish Mercy:
A sainted Mother Superior, in my young religious life, once offered me this insight: “The rules are for those who need them.”
Did she mean that religious rules should be ignored? Certainly not.
The maxim suggests that those who live the true spirit of the Gospel have no need of a list of rules to guide them.

Thought: from Joan Chittister, OSB

The spiritual life… is not achieved 
by denying one part of life 
for the sake of another. 
The spiritual life is achieved 
only by listening to all of life 
and learning to respond 
to each of its dimensions 
wholly and with integrity.

Music: Lord of the Sabbath – Keiko Ying

Patch

On By Renee Yann, RSMIn Conversion, Discipleship, Faith, Gospel, Jesus, Mercy, spirituality1 Comment

Friday of the Twenty-second Week in Ordinary Time
September 6, 2024

Today’s Readings:

https://bible.usccb.org/bible/readings/090624.cfm

And Jesus also told them a parable.
“No one tears a piece from a new cloak to patch an old one.
Otherwise, he will tear the new
and the piece from it will not match the old cloak.
Luke 5:36

Jesus wants his disciples to understand that his Gospel invitation is to an entirely new way of thinking. The word Jesus preaches is one of Mercy not Law. To understand that dynamic change, his disciples must let go of the measurements of the Old Law. They are not sufficient to convey the infinite mercy and love of God.

Today, in God’s Lavish Mercy:
We ask for the grace of a clearer understanding – one that can release the need for measurements and judgements. May the overflowing love of God move our hearts to see the world with Mercy.

Poetry: But Not With Wine – Jessica Powers

O God of too much giving, 
whence is this inebriation that possesses me, 
that the staid road now wanders all amiss, 
and that the wind walks much too giddily, 
clutching a bush for balance, or a tree? 
How then can dignity and pride endure 
with such inordinate mirth upon the land, 
when steps and speech are somewhat insecure 
and the light heart is wholly out of hand? 

If there be indecorum in my songs, 
fasten the blame where rightly it belongs: 
on Him who offered me too many cups 
of His most potent goodness—not on me, 
a peasant who, because a King was host, 
drank out of courtesy.

Music: Wineskins – Cloverton

[Verse 1]
There is trouble up ahead
The water’s getting rough
And smoke is in the wind
There’s a fear that comes with the unknown
But clinging to the past
Will keep you where you don’t belong

[Chorus]
New wine in the old wineskins
Something breaks when nothing bends
New wine in the old wineskins
We can’t stay so how’s this end?

[Verse 2]
Don’t try to cover up the holes
With patches that are fragile
And stitches that won’t hold
These patterns hold us in a line
We need an alteration
The old self must be left behind

[Chorus]
New wine in the old wineskins
Something breaks when nothing bends
New wine in the old wineskins
We can’t stay so how’s this end?
New wine in the old wineskins
Something breaks when nothing bends
New wine in the old wineskins
We can’t stay so how’s this end?